No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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