guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Say something about gay babies.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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