I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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