i just sent this text using only my big toe
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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