More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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