I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize