This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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