3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
