R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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