This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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