Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
