Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
