I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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