cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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