The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
