I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize