It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
