you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
