writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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