well I can't set my house on fire every night
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
