My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
