Well apparently he's into motor boating.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Let's get the cat blown out
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
