I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
