Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
