So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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