my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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