Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
