I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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