Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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