I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
