Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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