You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
