So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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