I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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