Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
