I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
