He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
