god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I have tasted many bathrooms
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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