I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So much Jack, so little girl.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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