The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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