Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
