I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
