lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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