bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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