this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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