drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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