whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
