I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
