Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize