I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
