508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
