Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
