Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
