There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
