Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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