he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
