I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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