Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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