why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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