Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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