I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
