First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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