Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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