I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
