These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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