when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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