how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
