we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
