I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
