I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
