I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
