and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
well you can't waste a boner
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
