dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
ttyl tear gas
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
