Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
