I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
