so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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