Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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