omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
