She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
