I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
