My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
