That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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