Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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