well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
