I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
