apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My dick has a subreddit
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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