And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
