the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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