What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
