Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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