All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It was a blind-side dick pic.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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