You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
