I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
