I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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