I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
