Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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