I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
