I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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