cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I think i got beer on your cat.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
