my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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