Apparently you make a good broom.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
