Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i think im in europe. pls send help
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
